Diary of a Labellover By A. Fashionista

Dont Be THAT Guy

Yes, you heard me. Don't be that guy.  You know, the guy who asks the girl out for drinks under the guise that their "friends" but really hopes that after a bottle of wine she will come to her senses and realize that her world traveling, slightly entitled artist boyfriend will never give her what she really wants - commitment.   Yes, indeed. 

I had the pleasure or pain, depending on how you look at it, of watching this v. scene unfold while having a night cap with my fabulous friend Chandlee at Cavatappo, a cozy little wine bar around the corner from my Upper East Side apartment.  At first I thought the people sitting next to us, sharing a bottle of wine, were on a date.  He was a handsome, older gentleman and she was descent looking.  I was mistaken.  Then carnage.  From the moment we sat down this girl prattled on about her boyfriend and how she was going to give him an ultimatum, she didnt know where there relationship was going but  how he was misunderstood and blah, blah, blah be de blah..  Oh this poor man!  Chandlee and I stopped talking and discreetly watched his body language as he asked all the appropriate questions, paying just enough attention but probably tuning her out.   The worst part was that when we had paid our check and she had finally come up for air, he actually asked her if she wanted to get another bottle!  I mean really, guy?  You weren't bad looking....were you going for the "at least let me get her drunk so I can try and take advantage" move?  Newsflash - that rarely works...

The moral of this story is twofold:  for the guys- don't bother pretending to be a friend to get some play because women KNOW and they will make you suffer even more, just like that poor guy last night.  For women - ultimatums only work if you are someone's lover so unless you are a mistress don't do it. Men are determined, practical individuals, if they want to commit they will. If they want to marry you they will ask. Period.  If not well then, to steal the lines off that cheesy movie with the hot Bradley Cooper, "he's just not that into you." 

Here is to a healthy, fashionable and prosperous 2011!

 

 

Putting the "Gentle" Back in the Man

If there is one animal that should be on the "extinction list" it is, the gentleman.  I've lived in NYC for 5 years now and have been been a girlfriend, a friend with benefits, a lover and a one night stand. I can tell you that it makes no difference - the one night stand can treat you better than the boyfriend. The point is that the Gentleman is on the verge of extinction and we need to do something fast or we could have a serious societal crisis on our hands with women raising kids from freeze-dried sperm. (kind of joking)

Don't get me wrong I am not a feminist and I LOVE men. This is precisely the reason for why I am writing this piece in the first place. Below is a "Gentleman's Guide" that may help you determine where you stand - are you Cary Grant or Jeff Spicoli?

1.  You always open a door for a woman.

2.  You are willing to splurge on an entire meal not just cocktails. Being cheap is never gentleman-like behavior!

3.  At dinner, you pay attention to what she would like to order and then you order for the both of you.

4.  Sex is not payment for the meal you splurged on that is now causing you to eat cheese sandwiches for a month.

5.  The date should end with a kiss and you hailing a cab for her, first. 

6.  Believe it or not, women are like men, we don't like you to be too eager so waiting a day to call is fine but if you enjoyed her company then say so.

7.  Compliments are like diamonds - rare and and even the smallest sparkle because they are genuine. 

8.  Show you have style but don't overdress.  First dates are not the time to peacock. A gentleman is all about subtlety. 

9.  Conversation is an art. A gentleman will engage his date, asking questions, caring about the answer and asking following up questions in return.  Conversations are like a volley in a tennis match.

The most important thing to remember is that it's not just about you.  Enjoy the adventure of getting to know someone new. Yes, women have become extremely independent but believe me we still need men and any woman that tells you differently is a lesbian. 

Jimmy Jane - Sex Toy Innovator

All women are certain of the quality of three things in their lives - shoes, handbags and sex toys. We know we can always count on Gucci, Prada, Vuitton for a great shoe or handbag and Ethan Imboden, founder of Jimmy Jane, for fabulously sinful sex toys. 

Now before you stop reading, this post is really for the men so you can understand what women like, what turns us on and understand a little about ambience.  That is what is so wonderful about JImmy Jane products. First, they cater to a v. sophisticated taste.  The candles double as wax to pour over the body that can then be brushed and massaged onto the skin but never will burn you.  The scents are subtle and exotic but never overpowering. My favorite is fig. 

There are also the "sensory deprivation" toys, such as the "Wink bondage" set. Crafted out of beautiful silk and suede, your partner may not be able to move or see, but they will be in total comfort and look hot doing so.  I can definitely say it is well worth the money.  Lastly, and certain not least, is what made the company famous, their vibrators.  They are the Maserati's of masturbation. Water-proof, rechargeable and award-winning, they are made with a woman's body and sensibility in mind (unlike the barbaric Hitachi).  

It all comes down to what you value. The intimacy and you create with your partner whether it be a casual dating relationship or someone you are married to is and important step in ultimately keeping the relationship strong and interesting. 

Why I love Esquire UK

Listen guys, if there is one website that you need to bookmark (besides mine that is and if you are lucky I will tell you about my secret one), it is Esquire UK.  I have a thing for British men, fashion, culture and vocabulary and eventually I want to move to London. In the meantime, I'm happy to refer my the fashion-challenged men in my life to this site that speaks your language and doesn't try ridiculously hard like every other men's magazine published in the US, save Robb Report.

The UK version is laid out cleanly and simply, covering the topics that are important in any man's life - grooming, style, food, tech and women. What more could you possible ask for?  What is even better is that you get the British perspective on American designers and culture as well as the british culture. 

Now you can be on on the coolest global cocktails, style trends, and tech gadgets that simply not worth living without. 

Boxers or Briefs?

 

This seems to often be the million dollar question.  After all your undergarments make a bold statement about who you are.  There are some women, for example, who take great care in the purchase of beautiful lacy bras, panties, corsets and stockings that they wear every day in order to feel sexy, powerful and confident while other women prefer plain cotton panties because comfort and ease is the number concern.   The same principles apply to men....

Do you prefer the loose comfort and often bold, freestyle design of the boxer or are you about keeping yourself snug and compact in boxer briefs?  In my opinion, nothing is sexier then a man in boxer briefs. They tend to more flattering on the legs because they provide shape, versus a boxer which makes you look more, well, boxy. 

About a month ago, I had the pleasure of meeting a menswear designer that specialized in undergarments - socks and underwear. I met him while I was shopping in Westport, CT and he was one of those guys that leaked style from every pore but without being pretentious about it. He began telling me about his namesake line, VK Nagrani, and how it is designed specifically for the man who likes to peacock. The socks are bold and colorful.  His customers are some of the most prominent men in global society today and it doesn't surprise me when you feel the quality of the products he makes. The underwear was designed with 3 different fits anatomically and appropriately named:  the Woody - offering full support and still perfect for trim fitted trousers, the Johnson - these have a slightly longer leg, are medium in structure and hold but still won't create wrinkle with your trousers, lastly there is the Willy - the next best thing to going commando but we are talking couture commando...because you feel the tailored fit.  All of his products are made with Peruvian cotton and are quality.  His socks are the perfect way to pepper a staid, within the limits outfit.  You can purchase them online or at one of the few boutiques nationwide.  VK told me he insists on personal service and likes to be able to attend trunk shows as often as possible, which is the reason why he keeps his distribution limited.

I don't put my name behind many designers but VK understands that the modern man isn't afraid to push his limits and test his sensibilities.  Comfort and style and coexist for the modern man. 

Menage A Trois Dating

Tonite I went on a date, menage a trois style. Yes, two girls on one guy but to be clear although the date was initiated by the guy, the introduction was done through the girl.  He just happened to have a layover on his way over from Croatia from San Fran so I suggested Figs & Olives and then Peninsula Rooftop. What a lovely night we had, despite the fact that my heel broke on my beautiful, cream, Argentinean boot!

Conversation was lively, funny, charming and flowing. Sometimes the man just is. He doesn't have to say anything he just is.  We have agreed to see each other whenever he is in town, which happens to be once a month.  How likable is that?   I think there might be something to menage a trois dating. It takes the edge off. It adds an element of fun to the date that often seems to be missing.  Why does dating have to be so serious?  The process of getting to know one another should be fun and full of laughter and good times and adventures. Of course it won't be without it's drama but the good will certainly outweigh the bad. 

I think if every couple entered into menage a trois dating in the early stages of the relationship, their bonds would be much stronger and relationships would last much longer because they would have more tolerance and understand and learn how to deal with one another better.

Just my two cents.. do you agree?

Lingerie Love

When it comes to my personal wardrobe I admit to spending more on what I wear UNDERNEATH my clothes then what the general public actually sees.  Why oh why, are there not more online sample sales for a lady's lacy undergarments?  Personally, I find that my La Perla lingerie and stockings often gives me the boost of confidence I need to start my day, much more effective than an Sbux latte.  

When I walk into a meeting, it is that feeling of the lace brushing up against my skin that makes spending hundreds of dollars on corsets and bras so worth it. Granted, I NEVER pay full retail price for anything, especially my clothes, it is disappointing that there are not more lingerie sample sales. La Perla hosts their sales twice a year so I'm able to stock up but inventory online is scarce.  With the rise in online sample sales it shocks me that that there aren't more devoted to something as necessary as undergarments and hosiery?

There are a few other sites and brands that I like.  Coco De Mer and Kiki De Montparnasse are AMAZING and perfect for that special occasion. Figleaves.com offers reasonable shipping and has almost every lingerie, swimwear and hosiery brand under the sun including Wolford and La Perla. 

Whatever your poison, just remember the purpose of lingerie is to make YOU feel sexy and in control. 

Barney's Mayhem

Last week, my friend Alec asked me to accompany him to the Barney's Warehouse Sale.  We had agreed to meet at 10:30 am and it wasn't surprising that even on Thursday morning the Men's department was crowded.  With a few exceptions, the men were just as blood thirsty about 75% designer clothes as women. 

I worked expertly and efficiently to find Alec the sizes and styles that would create the right look but offer the versatility that was critical for his lifestyle.  As a young entrepreneur in the mobile space who recently sold his second company, dressing more conservatively with a modern edge was his top priority.  This is a guy who NEVER wears ties and lives in jeans.  Working within those constraints, we were able to find some perfect fitting jeans, a few gorgeous sport coats that were versatile enough to go from work to play and shoes, lots and lots of loafers! 

Assisting my friends in shopping is one of my favorite past times because I'm never afraid to tell them what works and what doesn't.  I also always take into consideration the lifestyle they lead or aspire to lead.  

I will say that the Barney's Warehouse sale is still a bit overpriced, even at 70%.  I would take my consignment shops and thrift stores any day.  :)

The Mitchell’s Story – 3 Suits and a Coffee Pot

It began over 50 years ago in Westport with 3 suits and a coffee pot.  Today, Mitchell’s is one of the last standing family-owned retailers with 5 stores nationwide.  Growth by acquisition is a testament to simple business ethics and superior customer service.

Mitchells is the real deal.  They never boast about the A-list clients, which include C-Suite from major banks and Fortune 500 companies. In fact, it doesn’t matter if you are Jack Welch or John Doe; every customer is treated with white glove service.  The faithful support of their local community also keeps their customers loyal.   Attend one of their events and see for yourself.

I recently paid a visit to the Westport and Greenwich stores.  Their designer selection was incredible, rivaling the best NYC department stores. In my brief chat with two of the company’s owners, Tyler Mitchell who runs the San Francisco stores and Scott Mitchell, who maintains Greenwich, it was clear that everyone who works their from the owners to the sales staff have pride, passion and knowledge about the products and business

The coffee pot may now be a latte machine but the strong company values rooted in their business will never change.

Preppy Paradise - Ralph Lauren in Greenwich

 

True to form, the Ralph Lauren store has made a grand and opulent entrance on the main thorough fare in Greenwich, CT.  Situated central to Greenwich Avenue, it is best described as 19,000 square feet of preppy paradise. You can say what you want about Ralph's style but his retail experience is transformational from the classic and formal exterior to the perfectly coiffed staff who are helpful but not intrusive.  Welcome to the world of understated elegance and old-world luxury.  

The day I was shopping, the staff, who were very gracious and welcoming , were restaging the store. What was currently an earthy, safari theme was being turned into a nautical, beach theme, in celebration of summer.  What impressed me about the store was how every detail speaks to the Ralph Lauren customer.  The largest portion was women's fashion and accessories - earthly crisp linen, bright classic polos, beautiful, lucid silks. In contrast, the men's section, which has it's own entrance is decorated in dark woods, like something you might see in a private, ivy league gentleman's club.  Classic. rugged and elegant are the words that come to mind but I was a bit disappointed that the collection was so small.  Of course we can't forget about Ralph Lauren's home furnishings, travel up the winding mahogany staircase and there you will find linens of the finest and softest thread count and china simple and versatile enough to transition from casual to fine dining.

Shopping at Ralph Lauren is anything but a cookie cutter experience and Greenwich is no exception.  The clientele and culture breed sophistication, refinement and style and the store tastefully reflects that. You can say what you want about Ralph's style but his retail experience is transformational from the classic and formal exterior to the perfectly coiffed staff who are helpful but not intrusive.  

Welcome to the world of understated elegance and old-world luxury - Ralph's world.

  photo credit:  WWD